I had a dream last night about visiting this guy in Mexico that I’ve seen at a few shows but never formally met. I don’t really remember the details but this is what I’ve found on google:

Foreign Land
To dream that you are in a foreign land represents change in your life. Consider how you feel about the surrounding. If you are afraid or lost, then it indicates that you are not ready for the change. You are not willing to leave the past behind. If you are excited or happy in this unknown place, then it suggests that you are ready for change.

Man
To see a man in your dream denotes the aspect of yourself that is assertive, rational, aggressive, and/or competitive. Perhaps you need to incorporate these aspects into your own character. If the man is known to you, then the dream may reflect you feelings and concerns you have about him.

If you are a woman and dream that you are in the arms of a man, then it suggests that you are accepting and welcoming your stronger assertive personality. It may also highlight your desires to be in a relationship and your image of the ideal man.

To see an old man in your dream represents wisdom or forgiveness. The old man may be a archetypal figure who is offering guidance to some daily problem.

(Source: )

  I’m not on Tumblr all day..it’s called “queue”. I like to keep it active every day just because that’s how I roll.

  Another thing: I like to blog about my personal life here and there, who doesn’t? Just don’t go starting chisme outside of Tumblr. My disease and personal life shouldn’t be anyone else’s business outside of Tumblr. This is MY blog after all so I will post anything and everything I want. I don’t want people pitying me because they just found out that I have cancer. That is the last thing I need. Treat me like a normal person because that’s what I am.

  You can stop pretending to care as well. I have enough support as it is and I deal with things better on my own anyway. I don’t want to sound mean but it’s getting annoying being asked how I’m doing every single fucking day. I’M FINE. I’m doing better than most let me tell you.

   I have days where I hate everyone..then I have days where I’m needy as fuck. Can you blame me? Let me deal with it, please. I am fairly healthy and maintain a normal life for the most part.

  Questions? Concerns? Get at me.

I’m exhausted.

Thank you for just being there.

(Source: ithenihilist)

  Tomorrow I start radiation which will take about 5 and a half weeks. I will need to be at the hospital every day, Monday through Friday, for about 30 minutes at a time. I HATE BEING AT THE HOSPITAL. There aren’t any bad vibes there but, I hate how it takes up so much time out of my life. I might as well move to SF in the mean time while I deal with this crap.

  If you’re not aware of how radiation works then let me explain it to the best of my ability: It’s basically a lazer beam that will shoot straight into my pelvis (where the tumor is located). My doctors recommended that I get radiation instead of surgery because the chances of it removing the tumor are much greater. Side effects include fatigue (I already have enough of that) and burning in that area.

  I keep forgetting why I’m going through all of this suffering. I feel FINE. The pain has been gone since the first treatment and now I just feel like an animal in a cage being forced to take all of these drugs in order to help me “get better”. I don’t understand how poisoning my body will make me better. Sure it’ll help me for the time being but I’m afraid of the long term affects.

  So far I get hot flashes, random nausea, headaches, fatigue, stomach aches, no periods, an intense sense of smell and deteriorating taste buds. I’ve gained a few pounds and I’ve shrunk in height. I don’t feel normal anymore. My hair has fallen out, my eye lashes are almost gone and my eyebrows have thinned out. I have absolutely no hair on my body. So much for trying to blend in.

  Technically I have 8 or 9 months to go. I’ve been doing REALLY WELL during this whole thing. My body bounces back really fast after every chemo treatment. I’m just hoping that it’ll stay that way. I’m not worried about death because I want to live and with the right mindset, I can accomplish anything.

  DO NOT PITY ME. I was obviously chosen to go through this for a reason. I have a really loving mother who takes care of my every need and a few others that will be there for me no matter what. I just wish more people were educated on this topic. I am the same person no matter what. I’m vulgar, perverted, awkward, funny, sarcastic, weird, loving, loyal, etc. This will not change me..

  I just want this to be over already so I can get started with my life.

I’m way too happy right now hahahaha.

So not going.

adfu89[045jikrgu9et[09w4j3i5r345

Go away feelings! You fucking suck.

• WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SPIRITHOOD?
• I’m wiped out from radiation/chemo.
• I wish I could sleep without waking up 234723894 times.
• My stomach has been killing me all day.

That is all.